It’s often difficult to admit when we’ve been doing something wrong; especially when it comes to our romantic relationships. Many times we want to blame the other person instead of holding ourselves accountable.
“Things would have been different if he wasn’t such a jerk.”
“I just attract losers.”
“Why do men suck when it comes to love?”
“Why the hell do they always insist on treating their girlfriends as princes or hot property?”
“What have the women done to deserve this honor as though they are not normal human beings but some kind of Cialis Deutschland or the Duchess of the biggest kingdom in existence?”
“Women are happy being treated how they are, thank you very much”
I think most of us have tried the “all men are jerks” defense. It’s a great way of attempting to get ourselves off the hook and to shift the responsibility to the other sex. (Not unlike the male equivalent of “all women are psycho,” by the way.) But the problem is that it just isn’t true. There are decent men out there. Good guys do exist. Awesome relationships happen all the time. And at some point we need to get honest and own up to the behaviors we engage in that might be preventing us from having a healthy and satisfying dating life. So in the interest of personal accountability, let me shed some light on some common mistakes that might be keeping you from your best love life possible.
You pick the wrong men. Some guys just aren’t relationship material and nothing we do to try to change them will work. Bad boys, players, addicts, abusers, commitment-phobes, or anyone who is morally bankrupt, manipulative, or emotionally defective are all unacceptable candidates. Yet women go after these types of men all the time. We enjoy the challenge, get high off the rush, and think that if we conquer and convert him we’ll have won. But these guys are no prize. In fact, they are heartbreak waiting to happen. So quit going after the men who make you cry. One who makes you smile is so much better.
You chase men. In the vast majority of successful relationships, the man was the initiator and pursuer. But these days, it’s not uncommon for women to take on this role. Instead of men working to impress and win us over, we do everything in our power to secure their approval. We buy them drinks, ask them out, and make it way too obvious that we are interested before he’s done the same. So ask yourself if what you want is a man who is genuinely crazy about you; one who feels like the luckiest man on earth to have you. If so, then kick back and watch who approaches you. Let him step up and show you that he’s interested. It’s what both men and women really want anyway.
You sleep with men too soon. If you want a guy to see you with long-term potential, it’s in your best interest to take things slowly when it comes to sex. Yes, there are the urban dating legends out there where a one-night-stand turned into a marriage with two kids and an SUV, but this is the exception much more than it is the rule. One of the biggest factors which will determine whether your relationship is a passing fling or something more meaningful is how quickly you sleep together. The longer you wait, the more you will get to know each other without being blinded by the sex haze. Sleep with him too soon and without any sort of a commitment and you run the great risk of being labeled as a temporary thing. Or getting emotionally attached to a guy who isn’t right for you. And neither of those scenarios should be very appealing.
You reveal too much too quickly. It’s no secret that women are more verbal than men. We like to talk. Usually, we like to talk a lot. And many of us make the mistake of sharing our entire life stories much too early on in the dating process. Have you ever heard it said that men like women who are mysterious? If you’re like me, you’ve probably wondered what this means exactly. Well, let me enlighten you. A man thinks a woman is “mysterious” when he wants to keep getting to know her. And he wants to do this slowly and over time. Revealing yourself bit-by-bit will keep him coming back for more. Telling him everything about yourself before the appetizer arrives will cause him to want to yell, “Check please!”
You lead the relationship. All too often women feel that unless they control their guy, their relationship will derail. We initiate “the talk” and instigate exclusivity. We begin to overtake his bathroom with our straight irons and tampons and then push for co-habitation. We give ultimatums about marriage. In essence, we want things to unfold according to our timelines. Here’s what invariably happens: He will either acquiesce or he will revolt. And neither scenario causes a woman to feel cherished or secure with her relationship. So relax a bit. By letting him step up and be a man, you’ll be better able to determine how he really feels about you. And instead of wasting months or years with a guy who’s just along for the ride, you’ll find someone who truly wants to build a future with you.